Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Overwhelming & Informative

There is so much to update you on. I complained about the slowly/ nearly unchanging day to day basis. Well, I got my change.

Monday, my labs were all strong, with the exception of Magnesium. They upped the dose in my fluids. My liver enzymes decreased. Plus, my Tacro level was above therapeutic. So, we decreased my Tacro and (drum roll please) we tapered to 15mg on the steroids! My clinic appointment ended up including a visit to the endocrinologist (which is on the third floor in the same building). They couldn't fit us in until 1:30, but felt it was necessary we see a diabetes specialist. My glucose took another jump and they felt starting insulin was imperative. We were given a little machine to poke my finger four times a day and check my blood sugars. I also received my first dose of Lantis. It is a slow acting, long lasting form of insulin that works for eighteen to twenty-four hours. My glucose took a drop after the shot, but hours later; it reached the highest level yet. I was an absolute mess. It almost felt like too much to bear. At one point, I asked if I could just have some Fentanyl (strong pain med). When they asked what hurt I told them, "It was heartache and I just needed to go to sleep." Usually, I only joke about that, but I was serious. I was declined. Later that night, I took the wrong dose of steroids and calcium. I was beyond overwhelmed and tired. I sat down and opened my Bible to a random page; it was about pain and how God has a bigger plan than we can see. It was the first relief I felt all day. I had resorted to searching for comfort at the bottom of an ice cream carton. When in fact the most comfort I have found is in God's strength and love.

Today, I woke up from a good night's sleep very tired, but I was refreshed emotionally.I had made it past the overwhelming phase. On top of that, I was served french toast and bacon in bed. What a great start to my day! We returned to the endocrinologist to lay out a plan and discuss how we would treat the diabetes since the one shot was unsuccessful on it's own. The meeting today was much more informational. They had a baseline and therefore an idea of which direction to move. There were no tears or pleas for pain medication. I now take a fast acting insulin shot before each meal and Lantis once a day. The general consensus of our meeting was to limit my carbs and sugars. As a growing young woman I need both, but in moderation. That's where compensation comes in. We take my level, count the carbohydrates of the meal we planned, take one unit of insulin per 15carbs, wait fifteen minutes, and dig in. Although, taking four shots a day isn't good news; I was relieved to no longer feel like I was drowning. I was reminded it will be temporary. I am so thankful.

My heart goes out to those with Diabetes. Even though I was aware of it's existence, I never realized what a burden it is. Poking your finger constantly, counting your calories, taking shots, and the fatigue and stress of your blood sugar levels is not pleasurable. Although I'm aware that my empathy provides no relief; I hope it provides comfort.

We are going back to clinic Thursday and will be on a day to day basis with my blood sugar. We will report my levels each morning and they will decide how to move forward. I'm so happy to be in a better place emotionally and moving there physically. Thank you all of for your comments on my last blog, they brought my Mom and I near tears. Jena Belle, if "The Climb" starts playing tonight and you send up your prayer requests, please add an extra "thank you" for me.


  1. I am thanking Him right now with tears running down my face!!! I love ya, girl! Jena Belle

  2. Praise God! I am so happy your getting better! I know those bumps along the way are stressful and are in the way but they are there for a reason and it is all just part of a plan. Ok im done trying to sound like a therapist now haha. Keep climbing I love you so much!

  3. Gosh, Ceci! You are going to be able to understand and sympathize with so many people--now, diabetics, also. I wonder.....I just wonder what God has in store for you.....I'm sure it will include helping people and encouraging them. What a role model you are and will continue to be.....you know how to keep on keeping on! You are so very loved! Kathy & Rexie

  4. It's I love Ceci Day!! Love you Ceci, stick in there. :)