Friday, May 21, 2010

Only fine, then Happy... Oh, I don't know.

Okay, so they changed my insulin doses yesterday, and they changed them again this afternoon, and most likely they'll change them again. We have to get the right schedule for my body. "I've needed more than they anticipated." is how they put it. I told my Mom, do they not get it yet? All along my body's motto has been "go big or go home". Sometimes that's been good and sometimes bad, but it's been consistent. Thankfully, we don't have to count calories anymore. A huge weight has been lifted. Our transplant doctor called the endocrinologist and pleaded that with our already hectic schedule of meds it was too much. (And people say complaining never gets you anywhere. Just kidding. It doesn't.) My blood sugar levels are still fluctuating from 250-400. My target sugar is about 150. I'm now taking five shots a day. The units I take depends on a sliding scale. Basically, instead of compensating for carbs; we compensate for blood sugar points over 150 in the daytime and 180 before bed.

My liver enzymes went up slightly and there was no drop in steroids like we had anticipated. However; my Tacro was above therapeutic again. So, we tapered again on the Tacro. We went from 4.0ml to 3.6ml. I suggested a larger drop (I do every time, like I said-go big or go home.) So, clinic was fine. That's my word of choice these days; fine. People don't really like it, but it works. I'd be lying to say I'm in a good place, but I'm so tired of complaining about it and having pity parties. I don't want to feel this way. I have so much to be thankful for, but it still hurts. I'm fine. But someday; I'll say "I'm great" and I'll mean it. God reminds me that each time I open my Bible, hear an inspirational quote/verse, and read your comments. Ooo, and He reminds me each time I look down and I'm wearing this new pair of pajamas I got. It's like he is saying, "Soon; they'll be street clothes."

The thing about steroids is the wave of emotions and the frequency they change. It is incredible. For example, I wrote part of this blog, walked away from my computer for fifteen minutes, came back to the computer, re-read it, and I was like where is all of the positive? Who is this girl typing? What is going on? Ahhhh, why do some professional athletes choose to take these stupid steroids? I know they use different types and have different circumstances, but this is not worth an increase in batting average. I wish I could accurately depict what Prednisone makes you feel like for every person who has ever faced it's wrath.


  1. I love you so incredibly much Carolyn. I know all our prayers are in the process of being answered, so just keep climbing :) We're all here for when you need us! I love you always and dearly!

  2. Reading your blog instantly made me think of the Psalms----there is such a mixture of emotions there, also. Then every time we are pointed to God! Thanks for doing the same. I was in OKC at meetings last week and one speaker said, "You gotta climb hills in life." and "Resistance in life builds strength." I thought, "Gosh! Ceci should be here speaking to us about climbing and building strength!" He was good but I know you would have been better....all in good time, huh? Much love, Kathy & Rexie

  3. One of the highlights of any day is reading your blog and being inspired. We REJOICE with the UPS and plead with Heavenly Faqther with the DOWNS even more. . . . . . .Please know that you are constantly in our prayers. A friend once told me that there are several answers to our prayers: YES, NOT YET, and "I HAVE SOMETHING MUCH BETTER IN STORE FOR YOU." We are hoping for that much better in store for you.

    I was able to send time in Utah last Thursday-Saturday. What a JOY it is to be with FAMILY and to feel their love and strength. Know that you have FRIENDS and FAMILY all over this wondrous world that pray for you not just once a day--but many, many times. It is always a BLESSING for me to put your name on our prayer roll in one of our temples. No one sees the name (is put in an envelope), but I know and God knows. Hundreds pray for you many times each day. Recently I have been able to put your name in the Columbia River Temple in Richland, WA, in Vancouver, B.C., and also in American Fork, Utah. Watch out. . . . ."The best is yet to come." Hugs from WA!

  4. I like the motto! Fine is alright to say it fits in this case so I think you should stick with it! who cares what the other people think haha! WOW! I just realized how many !!! i am using! there it is again! You are always in my prayers always! I love you keep climbing!!!!! that was an exciting comment haha! did i remember to put in a few!!!! I think I got it covered I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Ceci: Just a note to tell you something you already know,but I do love you very much......."The light of friendship is like the light of phosphorus, seen when all around is dark." Ceci you are truly a light that shines in the dark! This is Monday and it has been a beautiful cool day, but watch out the heat is coming. I have noticed you have enjoyed the outside today also. See you soon

  6. Carolyn, I love reading your blog and getting updated on what's going on with you. I especially can relate to you answering that everything is fine. Don't feel bad about that. I remember that I used to say,"We're doing O.K." I would use it as if it was a word. To me it was. I was letting people know that all was well, even if we weren't on top of the mountain. It was my way of being positive. Thank you for your honesty. I love you and your family.