Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Road Not Taken

I’ve been really overwhelmed with things lately. My battle with GVHD has only just begun. I got news that I would be on Cyclosporine for at least another year. As we sat down with the doctors, I held back tears, “When would this end?”. I tried to hide my dissatisfaction as they poked at me with questions, “What’s going on with you? , What do you think?, What do you want to do next?”. My answers were far from my usually bubbly and facetious personality.

We continued to talk about a few things I wanted: to go to Hawaii (Broviac not included), to visit Allan, and more freedoms. We changed my nightly fluid schedule to every other day with increased amount of magnesium. The simplicity of being able to lay in bed not connected to fluids is wonderful. It makes me happy. However; in order to do so, I  have to drink 60 ounces a day (something I never felt motivated to do). I reminded the doctors if I could have Starbucks, I would be more likely to reach my goal. They approved! I’ve had four this week. They also said I could go to a Bible Study with some friends as long as I wear my mask.

I was supposed to go see Allan this weekend. However; Ryan introduced me to the magnificent sport of golf. He golfed ten holes while I drove the cart and kept score. I ended up golfing three holes as well. I was shocked at how much I enjoyed it. I also had more energy than expected. I would follow him to the green, hit a few balls on the driving range, and decided for extra exercise I would do lunges back to the cart. Looking back, the idea about the lunges puzzles me, but I felt so cheerful. I wasn’t feeling quite so energetic the next day, and decided I would be pushing my body too much to take a trip.

It was a gorgeous day at the golf course.
Another new thing for me; I decided I wanted to exercise more. The only restrictions the doctors had were that I don’t do anything to bother my Broviac or get my heart beating too quickly. Besides that, exercising is encouraged. It is good for my muscles, bones, and both my physical and emotional well being. One night I did five crunches and lifted two pound dumbbells. At first, I was angry, because two years ago, I could do 250 crunches a night. But I realized; I have to start looking forward. Looking at the past and what was normal only makes me angry; it doesn’t change anything. Normalcy is relative anyways. For now, my normal is two pound dumbbells, and I am choosing to embrace that. Well, trying at least.

Finally, my big news. I have been thinking, praying, and crying over what to do with school for a few months now. I am eager to share that I will be getting my GED. As much as I will miss my “high school experience” I am ready to move forward.I’ve already been invited to prom (Chelsea, I accept) and the universities I will be applying to into 2012 all accept the GED. Thankfully with the education I've received I have a good foundation to build on.

I know getting a GED isn’t usually encouraged, but for me, it feels right.  It is still strange to me, because high school wasn’t a fantasy of mine as a little girl; it was an expectation. In spite of that expectation, I am learning that everyone takes their own path. Like Robert Frost so eloquently wrote, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”


  1. Wow lots to comment on! First of all big news!!!!! Fluids only every other night!?! This is hugeeeeeee now when I say ehh you can just skip the bag tonight YOU REALLY CAN! Second starbucks.....umm we have to go! I am sorry I wasn't there for Bible study stupid dance! After this competition I will be able to :) Golf carts are so much fun! I don't know why but I have an obsession with them and I have only ridden in one once. So you golf now... I once got a positive 14 in one turn on the wii golf so I kinda gave up after that. I kept falling into the stupid water and it gave me plus 2 every time! Hey I don't even lift with 2lb dumbbells everynight so you are one-uping me! How is that giant GED book coming? Have you gotten all 100% after that terrible terrible 80% Oh my goodness the world is going to end! I bet your mom was excited when you got that, like that one time when you came home with your first F. I do recall having a celebration that you finally got your first F. And thank you for accepting :) I was worried that you would want to go with someone new to prom this year because who wants to go with me anyway? haha :) I love you I think you are headed down the right path. You keep doing what your heart tells you to do and keep climbing! LOVE YOU!!!

  2. Gosh, Ceci, looking at that Starbuck's is making my mouth water! Wish I was there to drink one with you. Going to Bible Study with friends should be a real boost for you--I so look forward to my weekly women's Bible Study. I'm glad you had a cheerful time on the golf course with Ryan---one of these days, you may have to challenge him and show him just how it's done! I Praise the Lord you are able to embrace your "normal" for now---I will keep praying that your "normal" will become the "normal" you desire. I think the GED is the most excellent choice you have at this time---and, college, here you come! I'm sooooo proud of you for always looking ahead and deciding what is best. You are so admired and so very loved! Kathy & Rexie

  3. Hi Ceci! Wish I could just pop over to you for a StarBucks! We do have it here in Australia, but I'm in a country town and have to almost travel 2 hours to Melbourne to find one. So when I have my hospital appointment next, I'll have to have one - and I'll be thingking of you! And as for the golf - go girl. I also remember driving a golf cart before I got my licence. But I side-swiped someone... oops. And it was a really ritsy golf club, and I was terrified that he would sue me for damages!!! But that didn't happen, thankfully. Thanks for making me smile today, Ceci. Glad you've had some really great times. However, I'm not sure what GED is, but sounds like a positive step. Keep remembering the good days, when the tough ones come along. More good days are worth fighting for. Or should I say CLIMBING for... bless you my friend. xoxo Jules

  4. God and I have been having some long talks about your GVHD, but I'm sure our conversations are nothing compared to yours and His. I'm so sorry that you're going to have to be on the Cyclosporine for another year; however, I am glad that we serve an amazing God who is in control and who has a plan for your life! Because even as I'm asking for Him to take away the GVHD, I'm also praying for His Will to be done in your life, and I know that it will be. I think getting your GED is a great idea! Any university will be lucky to have such a smart and talented girl enrolled at their school. said you wanted to go to Hawaii?! Well, I do, too! So let's go! ;) Actually, Arizona would work just fine for me! I hope I get to see you very soon!! Miss you and love you! Jena

  5. The McCord FamilyMarch 4, 2011 at 12:39 AM

    Dear Ceci-
    It was with great delight that I read your blog the other day. However, the best part of my week was seeing you at the ballgame the other night! My brother and sister in law were there visiting to see Taylor too, so I was sad I couldn't stay and chat longer.

    I think you made the right decision for you in getting your GED. I have no doubt that you have a better foundation to start college on than most people who have been there for four years! Hahaha! I am glad God led you to an answer and I'm sure there are bigger things to come for you.

    By the way, Ryan and your Dad are amazing with Connor,and let me tell you...Connor just brims from ear to ear when he gets to pitch with them!! Thank you for your wonderful family who is always giving to ALL are the finest examples of what is right with the world.

    You keep climbing Ceci and know we think of you and pray for, and with you, each and every day. We are reminded of your strength and character and are proud of you in so many ways. Mostly for including all of us in your life, even in the most difficult times.

    Much love to you Ceci and keep on blogging!!

    Cassi, Kim, Taylor and Connor