Monday, January 31, 2011


Medically, I am dealing with some GVHD (oh, stubborn Ryan). Allan is constantly reminding me his cells wouldn't have been so stubborn. I am still on a high dose of Cyclosporine (immune suppression). I feel busy, but I have to take time to rest in between each thing I do. I have also been trying to make some decisions about the future. It's overwhelming at times, but mostly exciting.
A few months ago, I was going to get together with a thirteen-year old girl who was about to have a transplant. I put it off time and time again. What was I going to tell her? The next year was going to be heartbreaking and painful? Surely, I couldn’t lie to her and tell her they were a piece of cake. I finally sent an e-mail. I never heard back from her. However, a few days ago I got an e-mail from a friend letting me know that Breanna was no longer strong enough to receive her transplant. My Mom and I sat down and cried and prayed. How could this beautiful thirteen-year old girl be forced to face these challenges?

Lately, I’ve been struggling with decisions for the future. I have been so frustrated that I have to make decisions based on my medical circumstance.  Honestly, I’ve been feeling bad for myself. My Mom would ask me a question and I’d say “Put yourself in my shoes.” Well, today I am taking my own advice. I am putting myself in Breanna’s shoes. I am sure Breanna would jump for joy at the thought of making a decision about college.

As selfish as it is, I really struggled with whether or not to share Breanna's story. It is hard for me to hear about all of the pain of the cancer world; it seems to be everywhere I turn. It brings back the fear of MDS. But I realized that hearing the word "cancer" shouldn't scare me. Instead, it should inspire me to do everything in my power to help someone else beat it. In honor of Breanna, let's try to worry a little less and live a little more. Please pray for Breanna and don't forget you can help someone "beat it" too. Join the National Marrow Donor Program by clicking HERE.


  1. Good advice for anyone to worry less and live more! Hope my e-mail wasn't a downer for you. Keep climbing! joe

  2. (((Ceci))), thanks for sharing, even though it is a tough thing. We can all only move onward and upward, wherever we are. With you Breanna! Take care Ceci. I think of you often. Hope the GVH isn't to destressing for you. My next appointment is coming up soon. MDS... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Will be in touch. Love to know more about your college organisation stuff! Luv Jules

  3. My heart breaks for you, my heart breaks for Breanna, and my heart breaks for both of your families. No one deserves to have to go through what you and so many others are. But it's people like you that are going through tough times who inspire people like me and many others. There are so many things I take for granted, my health being one of them. I am going to start putting myself in "Ceci's Shoes" more often, and I honestly believe that I will become a better person if I do so. If someone were to ask me who my hero was, the first two names that would come to my mind would be Rex Holloway and Carolyn Christenson. As hard as it must be, keep on climbing girl! You are changing more lives than you know. Love you so much, Ceci!! Jena Belle

  4. Im glad you told us about Breanna's story. I will be praying for her and you. I hope her family is staying strong for her. When I watch you deal with the many ups and downs of this disease I always notice how strong you stay. I hardly ever see you down and when you are you get right back up and continue fighting. I hope that is how her family is going to be because you bring out the best of life. If I put myself in your shoes I don't think I could say half of the wonderful, positive comments that you do. You are so inspirational and I love you so much!!!!! Keep climbing my love :)

  5. Oh, how I hurt for Breanna and her family...many prayers are being said. Many prayers are also being said for your GVHD. I am so very proud of you that you keep on keeping on. Your climb has had quite a few rough spots-----but you have showed us how to keep on climbing even when you get so tired. You are such an inspiration! Much love, Kathy & Rexie

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