Thursday, November 18, 2010

What's Next?

I finally reached a therapeutic level of Cyclosporine; actually I surpassed therapeutic. They ended up lowering my dose Tuesday. My liver was the largest factor in starting the immune suppression, and thankfully it has already improved greatly. My kidneys are still being affected and every once in a while you can see the GVHD on my skin.  I've been chugging water again in an attempt to help my kidneys. Ryan and I have "water chugging contests". He can drink an entire bottle in the amount of time I can drink 4 oz.

We have a couple of projects going on around the house. We are redecorating the back porch so that I can have friends over in a germ free environment. Painting has been a fun project the last couple of days. Also, for my birthday I got a new bedspread and we are going to redecorate my bedroom! We are trying to figure out the best way to go about school and keeping me occupied.

Well, the past weeks have been extremely challenging. I tend to process things alone before I can talk about them. I went from "this isn't real", to angry, to confused, and finally a mess of emotions. I was overwhelmed and tired of another disappointment. I've been trying to keep busy and rest at the same time; which is not the best combination. Right now life just seems hard. I feel lost and sometimes bitter, but never hopeless. When I really dig deep, I realize that this holiday season I'll be surrounded by family, I have my health(almost), the greatest friends, I'll be in a warm home, and there will be food on the table. As much as I want to complain that I don't get to have a social life, a boyfriend, or a junior year; God's given me a lot to be thankful for.


  1. I can not wait for your back porch!!!!!! It will be so cool and I am sure it looks absolutely fabulous if you have had anything to do with it!! I just can't wait! I NEED to see this new room how exciting, decorating is so fun. I am glad you are telling us how you feel right now. It is always good to get it out but I don't want you to feel that way anymore. You are totally right, you are surrounded by people who love you so much! Never ever forget that! I am always here for you! God is great he really is :)

  2. Yes I can't wait to see your back porch either! And redecorating is always so exciting :) I can't even imagine how hard these past few weeks have been for you but the strength you have is so amazing, God won't gives us a challenge we can't handle and we are all here to help you climb this new mountain. I love you so much and am always thinking of you and praying for you. I am so grateful for you in my life, you have truly helped me to see how to rely on the Lord through hard trials in life.
    Lots of love, Corinne

  3. God has given us all a lot to be thankful for and YOU are at the top of our lists!!! You have given us all so much encouragement--you have made us all dig deep and grow stronger in our walk with God--you have made us appreciate the little things as well as the big--you have allowed us to feel your pain as well as your joy--you have helped us to acknowledge and admit what a mess of emotions us females really are and that it's okay(that's how God made us, right?)--you have touched our lives in such an amazing way--you have taught us to CLIMB!!! We're still climbing with you, Ceci--when you get tired, we're pushing--when we get tired, you're pulling and reminding us, "It's all about the Climb!" You are one amazing gal!!! I am so very thankful to God for you. Much love, Kathy & Rexie

  4. Last week I was cleaning my house, feeling so sad because I wasn't deep cleaning and sterilizing getting ready for you to come stay with me. And then I read your blog, and YOU have to be the one to remind ME that we BOTH have so much to be thankful for. You are so impressive. I can't even put into words the respect and awe and admiration that I have for you. Thank you for being that person, even through your trials, that makes others feel better and more grateful. I love ya, girl. Jena Belle

  5. Happy THANKSGIVING, dear friend. Your positiveness keeps all of us going and praying hard for your desires to be realized. God has a plan for each of us and you help us learn to trust more. Projects are a great way to refocus. Hope today has been a wonderful one, surrounded by family and friends. Thanks for smiling even when you want to pull your hair out and scream. Look at how far you have climbed in 2010. . . .and we're almost ready for 2011. Love you! Richard and Tamara in WA