Friday, August 20, 2010

Teenage Dream

It’s been quite awhile since I last wrote and a lot has gone on:

1. Allan is at college. Awe my big little (aka middle) brother has grown up. You would have thought I was the one who went to college considering all the planning and list making I was doing. I was exhausted for three straight days after.

2. I’m off the every eight-hour antibiotic! Yippee. I was not enjoying the seven am alarm.

3. Aunt Ro came and went. I loved seeing her. It was beyond wonderful.

4. I got permission to wear make-up.

5. I smiled.

6. I cried.

7. I prayed.

8. I laughed.

9. I lounged.

That doesn’t sum it up at all. It was an incredible day Tuesday. My labs were marvelous. My liver enzymes were actually in the normal range. I got to pick out make-up in a real store (masked of course). I get to eat out once a week as long as “mama bear marches into the kitchen and demands sanitary measures”. Those are the doctor’s words; not mine. The good news kept coming. I would begin the 8-16 week wean of cyclosporine in two short weeks. Plus I could do one activity a week. I was crying and thanking God over and over again. It was pure bliss. I recall walking around saying, “I’m healed!” repeatedly. I kept looking at the cloud filled sky thinking, Grandpa is smiling right now. I told her if she told me anything else exciting I would most likely faint. Of course, these conditions will change when cold and flu season begins (Please I beg you; wash your hands!).

Funny enough, I woke up the next morning unhappy. I think I was feeling something somewhere between disappointed that every day couldn’t be like that and fear. I’m starting to step back into the world for the first time in seventeen months. I feel like my Mom and Dad are dropping me off at the first day of kindergarten. Everything is new and exciting; yet scary. When I was in the hospital I was in survival mode; now I have a chance to step back and worry about things. I consider it a good sign, but anxiety isn’t exactly my favorite emotion.

Don’t make any plans on September 29th! Okay, you can make plans, but please tell everyone you know: your mailman, your paperboy, your son, your daughter, your great grammy, your veterinarian, your uncle’s brother’s cousin’s daughter’s sister’s mother to e-mail Oprah! Tell anyone and everyone. I can’t share the details of my surprise yet, but above is my logo for “Have you e-mailed Oprah yet?”

This week had it’s share of high’s and low’s. Fortunately, every high was much greater than the lows. I’ll end with an e-mail I sent to my Mom when I was really struggling one night. I keep reading it over and over again; reminding myself who I am and what I believe in, and nothing can ever take that away from me.

"I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.
-- Oprah Winfrey

I do believe that when we face challenges in life that are far beyond our own power, it's an opportunity to build on our faith, inner strength, and courage. I've learned that how we face challenges plays a big role in the outcome of them.
-- Sasha Azevedo

I went back and reread some of my old blogs. I never realized it, but along the way I've lost some of me. The happy, silly, girl who was just in love with life. The positive, upbeat, you're never going to get me down attitude faded to an anxiety ridden, worried, stressed out adult. Before I was the girl who always chose love. Somewhere along the way I lost sight that although I have very little control over what's happening- I still play a very important part. I always think back to that day I was scared and crying and I looked up at the sign that said believe. That's still my motto. BELIEVE & ACHIEVE. I seemed to have let this battle affect my thoughts, confidence, and belief in myself and my belief in the power of positive thinking. There was no doubt I would make it on Oprah, and there is no doubt I will get better. Just like I want to instill in my kids one day...NO matter how BIG or small ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING is possible if you believe, have faith, have dreams, grow, and work hard. As of right now, I'm reclaiming love and a belief in my myself. That's right MDS-another battle that I just won.

I'm so thankful for that blog. Time and time again it's been a huge blessing."


  1. Dear Ceci: It is so good to hear such a good report! I can't even start to image the emotional roller coaster you must be on right now. Just want you to know we are still out here praying for you and your family. My wife and I took a trip to the mountains the other day to rest and recoup and let me tell you getting to the top of a mountain isn't easy ( we poofed out and didn't make it). Although along the way we enjoyed the scenery and God even taught us some things. Keep your spirits up and God bless you for sharing your joys and struggles with others. Joe

  2. YOU ARE AMAZING...and you inspire all of us to live a better life with a better attitude. You make it sound so easy but we know it isn't. We are all climbing with you.

  3. Oh, Ceci, you are such a lovely young lady.....and a honest one, too. Thanks. I so agree with anonymous above in saying you inspire us to live with a better attitude. I think every woman can identify with smiling, crying, laughing, praying, lounging.....all the while with our make up in place! Aren't us gals amazing? (No wonder guys don't understand us!) Rexie saw your Aunt Ro on Saturday and he thought it was beyond wonderful, also. I bet Allan loved having you help him get ready for college....we miss him, too. And those liver enzymes....Praise the Lord!!! You are so very special, Ceci-----you are helping so many by sharing your ups and downs. Keep climbing. Much love, Kathy & Rexie

  4. Hey, I'm thankful for your blog too!
    Oh, I have many a plans for September 29th (all related to the famous, wonderful, talented Miss Carolyn of course. Oh, and Oprah too :) and let me just say, I'm soooo excited for it!
    Yay for make up! Even with my sad little level of girliness, I still looooove new makeup! Ask me to go shoe shopping, and I'll send you to Chelso (to my mothers great disappointment), but make up? Yum :) I'm so glad things have been wonderful and your feeling up to all these things!
    Can I just say again, SOOOOOOOO excited for September 29th :) Deary, I love you immensely and my prayers continue to flutter your way!
    Love always and dearly,

  5. I was in kind of a crummy mood today so when I got home from work I, like most typical females, divulged myself in chocolate. It didn't really help matters. So now as I'm sitting here reading your blog with a portruding stomach and feeling rather sickly, I reeaaallly wish I would have read this sooner because it made me so happy to read all your exciting news and I wouldn't have had to eat all those extra calories!

    Yay for September 29th!!! I have 3 e-mail accounts...think I can e-mail Oprah from each one?! ;)

    You are such an awesome girl! I strive to be more like you. Love ya, Jena Belle

  6. Hi Ceci, I keep up with your blog, but not on a daily basis. My husband, Glenn had the same AWFUL disease you have, but he passed away June 2nd. I am terribly sad and just devasted. I have some hope when I read your words that there is a God. I OFTEN wonder why we fall in love, just to have it taken away. YOU are such a wonderful, peaceful person. I'm blessed I found your blog last year. You are in my prayers. I want to think your Grandpa and my Glenn are together. Stay healthy and LOVE LIFE!!! LIVE everyday to the fullest. Grab onto everything. Live, laugh, love.