Thursday, June 24, 2010

Let's Talk About Allan

No, let's not.

Monday, clinic was really great! My liver enzymes improved. It was a leap towards normal levels compared to the slow crawl we seemed to be stuck at. Plus, my magnesium level was in the normal range. Both of these improvements are attributed to switching my anti-rejection medication. What took us so long to make the switch is what I want to know!

Some people say they've never seen me should have been with me on Tuesday night. I noticed that my fluids had finished two hours early. I thought, "Great, here we go again. More problems with the fluids." It just so happens we had a little mishap that caused my magnesium to go in at a faster rate than it was supposed to. Wednesday, I payed the price. I had headaches that led us to clinic for an unplanned visit. We checked lab values, headed home, and then received a phone call. My mag was so low we would need to come back again today. So, I am sitting in clinic harassing the doctors. I'm getting a magnesium rider(infusion). Actually, Dr. Douglas just asked me, "If I was always this facetious?" I responded, "No, just around you." I quite enjoy the relationship I have with my doctors. They make what would be an unpleasant situation bearable.

I had been very giddy on the way to the hospital and my Mom couldn't figure me out. Finally, I explained that I could have the headache and be in a bad mood or I could have the headache and be happy. Either way I would have the headache. I couldn't do anything but pray and hope it would get better; I might as well be happy? I'm tired of this situation controlling everything about my life. So, I'm taking the control back starting with my attitude. Ironically enough, on the way home I was in a bad mood. HAH!

Fine, I'll talk about him; Allan, waited in line for twelve hours and is still waiting outside the Apple store to get the new phone for his favorite little sister(awe, how wonderful is he?). I like to call Allan my physical therapist. He makes me laugh so hard, it's quite an ab workout. I've enjoyed his company this summer, but I'm thrilled he might take the scholarship he was offered to play baseball in Kansas this fall. Ryan moved out, he's officially a Dodger. And I just expanded my wardrobe with two new t-shirts; Dodger blue and Dodge City purple.

I've come to see that although I can't have all of my life back; doing things that are close to normal are still enjoyable. I finally realized that the doctors said I had to be isolated, but I had also been retreating because it was easier for me. I thought if I wasn't constantly reminded of what I couldn't have; I wouldn't miss it as much. I found myself shying away from friends. I wasn't sure we had common ground anymore. I was scared to put this vunerable and different side of myself out there. It made it so real that I was the sick one. But I've started driving again (with an adult in the car) and we have been trying to find activities I can do with friends outside. I have done a couple of things and realized that putting yourself out there is most definitely worth it. It made me realize that people love me for me. My theme for this week is love. My Bible study was about owing one another nothing but love, the song I have on repeat is about forgiveness and love, and Mrs. Bray filled my bucket with it. Sometimes I get so caught up in worrying and stress that I forget that love is what this crazy life is all about.


  1. Aww for a second I said poor Allan! At least Kenz still loves him haha! I am glad you are trying to stay happy :) and good for Allan for making you laugh! Good boy! Oh those doctors you got to love seriously you really do have to because you never know what they can do haha. I love these pictures so cute! I love you car :)

  2. Yes, Ceci, people DO love you for YOU!!! How in the world could they not????? You are so very lovable! Everything you are feeling is so very real to all of us----some have not been thru as much as you, but it doesn't stop those female emotions happening at different times----I imagine many of us have withdrawn from friends at times--I know I have; then looked back and wondered, "why"? We all grow and learn---I'm sure God shakes His head sometimes, but, I sure believe He smiles and nods where you are concerned. Thank you sooooo much for being vulnerable and sharing your real self with us. It helps and encourages us, too! And that Allan!!!! What a guy! You are so blessed to have him for a brother as you well know. We are so proud of him, too! Kansas will be fortunate to have him if he decides to go there. Keep those wonderful doctors and nurses on their toes! We love you so much!!!! Kathy & Rexie

  3. Hey Ceci!!! Wow..I have some "post a comment" cathching up to do. I check your blog dilemma is that I can only read it from my handheld, but I cannot post. (I probably could if someone more tech-savvy than myself could figure it out..but what can I say!) So, my family is in Colorado for a week for Taylor's tourney while I'm home working so I wanted to be sure to take some time to post!!

    First...congratulations Ryan!!!! We cried when we read this is a story for you. Remember way back when you and Taylor played Gilbert All-Stars together. (YOU are still an ALL-STAR of course!) Connor was such a little guy then and he used to LOVE to play long toss and catch with your Dad and Ryan...Ryan used to say "man that kid can play...Connor, when you get to the bigs I can tell everyone I knew you back when and I played catch with you!" When we read the blog Connor said...WOW MOM!!! Now I can say "I used to play catch all the time with Ryan Christenson...and he's in the BIGS! Hhahaha. We are so proud of Ryan...your excitement is shared by all and even though I said I'd never do it...I'd don Dodger Blue for Ryan and You! :)

    Next...Allan...standing in line all that that is devotion! :) Kim's jealous cuz he wants and Iphone too, but he better start earning some bucks before that day happens! I am sure Allan has enjoyed his time home and we wish him the very best as he heads off to play college ball! Woot woot!

    Now, let's talk about YOU! Your blogs are so great...for those of us that keep up everyday, it's a way to know how we can help, what we can or should say, and what we can bring to brighten your days! Your attitude and strength are unparalleled and your down blogs remind us that..hey...we are only human!

    Keep up the good work Ceci and we are soooo thrilled to hear your numbers getting better and I love the new hair you are sporting! :)

    Thanks for letting me catch up on here and know that even though I don't post as often as I'd like, I'm always reading and catching up with you. Cheering you on every step of the way and thinking always of your family!

    Much love Ceci!
    Cassi and the McCord group!

  4. Teehee! Take care buddy!! Y no comes mucho chocolate!!

    Larissa Brown

  5. My dear Ceci, Sorry for the delay in posting. We are in the process of moving once again--3 times in one year is a record we won't want to break ever again. You bring snshine into our lives. You help us truly remember what is important and to be GRATEFUL for all the little things. Please feel a huge hug from WA! You continue in our prayers. Yes, we believe in past, current, and future mriacles. . . . .and you are one of the best ones we know!

  6. Ceci - We've not met, but I had the good fortune of meeting your parents last week while in AZ and getting to know Allan. I laughed so hard at your "No, let's not" line - your family is blessed with a fantastic sense of humor. It will take you far. I will keep up with your progress thru this blog and keep you in my prayers.
    Cynthia Outlaw
    Amanda Bryant's cousin/Tanner Bryant's psuedo Aunt