Let's Talk About Allan

No, let's not.

Monday, clinic was really great! My liver enzymes improved. It was a leap towards normal levels compared to the slow crawl we seemed to be stuck at. Plus, my magnesium level was in the normal range. Both of these improvements are attributed to switching my anti-rejection medication. What took us so long to make the switch is what I want to know!

Some people say they've never seen me angry...you should have been with me on Tuesday night. I noticed that my fluids had finished two hours early. I thought, "Great, here we go again. More problems with the fluids." It just so happens we had a little mishap that caused my magnesium to go in at a faster rate than it was supposed to. Wednesday, I payed the price. I had headaches that led us to clinic for an unplanned visit. We checked lab values, headed home, and then received a phone call. My mag was so low we would need to come back again today. So, I am sitting in clinic harassing the doctors. I'm getting a magnesium rider(infusion). Actually, Dr. Douglas just asked me, "If I was always this facetious?" I responded, "No, just around you." I quite enjoy the relationship I have with my doctors. They make what would be an unpleasant situation bearable.

I had been very giddy on the way to the hospital and my Mom couldn't figure me out. Finally, I explained that I could have the headache and be in a bad mood or I could have the headache and be happy. Either way I would have the headache. I couldn't do anything but pray and hope it would get better; I might as well be happy? I'm tired of this situation controlling everything about my life. So, I'm taking the control back starting with my attitude. Ironically enough, on the way home I was in a bad mood. HAH!

Fine, I'll talk about him; Allan, waited in line for twelve hours and is still waiting outside the Apple store to get the new phone for his favorite little sister(awe, how wonderful is he?). I like to call Allan my physical therapist. He makes me laugh so hard, it's quite an ab workout. I've enjoyed his company this summer, but I'm thrilled he might take the scholarship he was offered to play baseball in Kansas this fall. Ryan moved out, he's officially a Dodger. And I just expanded my wardrobe with two new t-shirts; Dodger blue and Dodge City purple.

I've come to see that although I can't have all of my life back; doing things that are close to normal are still enjoyable. I finally realized that the doctors said I had to be isolated, but I had also been retreating because it was easier for me. I thought if I wasn't constantly reminded of what I couldn't have; I wouldn't miss it as much. I found myself shying away from friends. I wasn't sure we had common ground anymore. I was scared to put this vunerable and different side of myself out there. It made it so real that I was the sick one. But I've started driving again (with an adult in the car) and we have been trying to find activities I can do with friends outside. I have done a couple of things and realized that putting yourself out there is most definitely worth it. It made me realize that people love me for me. My theme for this week is love. My Bible study was about owing one another nothing but love, the song I have on repeat is about forgiveness and love, and Mrs. Bray filled my bucket with it. Sometimes I get so caught up in worrying and stress that I forget that love is what this crazy life is all about.